Validation goes a long way…
So does de-validation
There are two essential sides to look at this from — the giver and the receiver.
To the giver
The validation you give is empowerment.
You make people feel great about themselves.
You send a message that you trust them to do the thing that they are on.
You let them know that you acknowledge their effort.
That’s not to say you can’t call them out on their wrongs or show them how to make their work better, but acknowledging the effort first, can go a long way to empower them to make the change you want to see, especially if you’re on the same team.
A team is not a group of people that work together, a team is a group of people that trust each other — Simon Sinek
Validation is simply saying, “I trust you”.
“Even when I’m giving you feedback, I trust you”.
To the receiver
When you get validation, let it fuel you.
Take responsibility and show growth, especially when you know it’s a gift, and you have ends to tie.
When you don’t (and you won’t always get validation). Or you’re getting de-validation, it will mess with your confidence and you can’t let it.
Here’s what to do:
- Get feedback from others to ensure it’s not necessarily an attack on you. It helps you see the feedback from the de-valuator's point of view and possibly ignore it or the way it is communicated.
- Be positive, think of it as constructive, instead of destructive, and ask clarifying questions when feedback is vague.
- Show initiative and progress with your work.
- In extreme situations, seek help, get therapy… and it’s okay to quit. Constant de-validation can have long-term damaging effects on you.
Are you the giver or the receiver?
What will you change?
