You’re Not Where You’d Like to Be. Right?

Olabanji Stephen
7 min readMay 11, 2024


Your dreams (or goals) are stressing you out because they’re big and… not happening.

I see you mate.

The hell… what can be worse than that?
Well, maybe the fact that you’re not doing what you know you should be doing to actualize your dreams.

It’s safe to say that potential is one hell of a bastard.

You know you have what it takes to be an internet entrepreneur, a best-selling author, a global podcaster, a successful CEO, a breakthrough researcher, an Olympic champion, or at least the predisposition for it…

Yet, you’re not on the path to this destination you so fantasize about.

If my description is vivid, it’s because I’ve felt it.
I’ve been there and I hate that place.

It’s not the fault of your job, your family, your environment, your financial situation, or all the things that seem to form a wall between you and taking the necessary actions (doing the work) to live your dreams.

You don’t lack courage either. And I don’t think that you are lazy.
Matter of fact, you may have done research or taken courses on how to start (a YouTube channel for example) but you’ve just not gotten to it.

No matter how legitimate your excuse is, the best it can do is absolve you of the responsibility for what you should have done. Maybe you’ll feel better but…

Excuses cannot build your dream.
Dreams are built on the back of work.

Your best life is in that dream you’ve not started working on, though it pounds your heart.

So, you might hear things like “Just do it”

Good slogan but terrible for someone with execution paralysis.
It’s like verbally instructing someone with hearing loss. That’s an insult. Their situation is pathological!
You should get them a hearing aid first. Then, maybe your words would count.

You have two problems and I'll give you the solution to them.

1. The personality problem

You might have a personality configuration that does not support the dreams you have.

What does this mean?

There are 5 personality traits that characterize every human being. This is a proven research in psychology.

  1. Extroversion — impulsive, inattentive, sociable, outgoing
  2. Neuroticism — sensitive to negative emotions, easily gets anxious, depressed, or angry
  3. Conscientiousness — orderly, hardworking, thoughtful, exhibit goal-directed behavior
  4. Openness — creative, imaginative, insightful and intelligent
  5. Agreeableness — empathetic, caring, hates conflict

You’ll vary on a scale of 1 to 10 on each of these aspects. So, if you’re low in extroversion, then you are more of an introvert and the opposite traits will apply — shy, hardly talking, not outgoing, etc.

If you are highly neurotic (sensitive to negative emotion) and low in consciousness, you might find it difficult to start anything.
You’ll be scared, overthink, and consider how it might not work more than how it might. This can be crippling when paired with openness because now, you have many ideas.
The upside to this is that you’re highly sensitive to danger and will more quickly avoid it. The downside is you’re too risk averse.

If you’re high in extroversion you will more quickly start something and if that is paired with conscientiousness then you’re likely going to see it through as well.

Your personality is very well genetic and you can detect temperaments in kids even earlier than 2 years old.

The environment contributes to how your personality unfolds, however, studies show that personality traits remain relatively stable over a lifetime.

No personality configuration is the right one.

They all have advantages and disadvantages and it’s certainly the case that different personality configurations are well suited to different situations, careers, and even partners.

An agreeable person may be easy to get along with but they might get paid lower than a colleague in the same job because to be paid higher, you need to negotiate your way up. And you need a level of disagreeableness in negotiations.

An extrovert might jump on a moving train or start a business quickly but they would hardly see it through because you’ll need a different trait for that — conscientiousness.

A highly conscientious person on the other hand might work very hard and be consistent but it’s terrible to be consistently doing the wrong thing. You’ll need a level of openness and extroversion to try new things.
Though, it’s certainly the case that conscientious people are very well suited for corporate lives and routine work.

Open people are more rebellious because they are full of ideas and hate routine so they are bad at keeping their jobs.
They might try multiple jobs in a relatively short period.

Your personality setup is not your fault, most of it is wired into you at birth. It’s your responsibility though.

If your goal is to get paid more, for example, as an agreeable person, you will have to learn some techniques and gradually stretch that side of you.
You’ll need to learn negotiation skills and how to stand your ground.

You won’t necessarily change your personality because that is extremely difficult but you can learn to stretch to the degree that you can achieve your goals.

If you’re shorter than an average basketball player, you can stay in the league, but you’ll need to learn to jump higher. It’s somewhat like that.

The first step is to know yourself (your personality traits)
You can take a free test here.
You can take a paid ($9) test here. It’s more extensive and accurate (I would recommend this)

The next step would be to train yourself in the traits that you need but are lacking.

An easy but expensive way is to get a clinical therapist. And they will train you to stretch your personality as it pertains to your goals.

Another way is to read books on the specific trait you are trying to stretch and progressively practice what you learn.

If you’re an agreeable person, for example, you would want to learn how to construct a verbal argument and stay on your point. It may not come naturally but it’s a learnable skill.

If you’re highly neurotic or paralyzed by fear, exposure therapy would work very well for that. In exposure therapy, you gradually expose yourself to the thing you fear.

In this case, instead of making your first blog post because that might seem like a behemoth, your first task should be to choose a topic.

It’s easier to say “I’ll choose a topic tomorrow” than it is to say “I will write a blog post tomorrow.”
This is gradual exposure. Don’t bother yourself with the 10 other things you need to do. Only choose a topic.

It may sound shameful to think you have to reduce yourself to such a stupidly easy task. “Am I that incompetent”, you’d think.

No, you’re not. You’re simply taking a step closer.
1 inch forward every day gets to 10 inches in 10 days.
0 inch forward for 10 days is no progress at all.

When you succeed at choosing a topic, then your next task might be to write one paragraph or even a sentence every day for 10 days.

The thing with exposure therapy is that progress is not linear, it’s exponential.
So, before the 10th day, you would have started writing in pages and soon enough you’d have written your post.

In the same vein, if you’re scared to publish it, you might want to start with a tweet or a comment on another blog post. Before you write 20 tweets or comments, it’ll be less difficult to ship your blog post.

The great part is that the mountain does not necessarily reduce, It’s your capacity to confront it that exponentially increases.
And when the skill is learned, it can be transferred to other areas of your life. For example, it’ll be easier for you to initiate a difficult conversation with a loved one.

So, that’s an example.
It’s better than watching motivational videos and listening to people tell you “Just do it”

If you need more help with understanding this, text me here.

The other hack is what I'm about to share in the next problem

2. The circle problem

Ever heard the James Fowler quote “You are a sum of the 5 people you spend the most time with”?

It’s true.

There’s adaptation by association.

Part of why it’s difficult for you to pursue your dreams or execute your ideas is that you’re not always in the same space with people who constantly execute.

You need active friendships and relationships with people who possess the traits you need and are actively executing the same or similar ideas to yours.

When the conversation moves from “just do it” to “let’s do it”, the game changes for you.

You wouldn’t want to be the odd one out. To stay in the circle, you’ll execute too. You are learning by diffusion.

Another way to achieve this is by joining communities.

Now, this can be tricky because there are so many communities online these days, and many of them are designed to grow an email list, pitch you products, and make money for the managers but there are incredibly good communities as well.

Purple Spaces is one of them

I’m building one too — Club 99
It’s not a lifetime community and there are no monthly payments. It only exists to get you started and moving. It’s starting in a few weeks from now.

When you join the waitlist,

  1. I'll share a 2-hour course on personality with you so you understand it better
  2. I’ll share all the techniques you can use to stretch your personality
  3. And you’ll be first to enter the community — Club 99

(Might attract a small fee. I’m thinking $1 for commitment sake but we’ll see how that unfolds.)

Join here before it gets filled. I’m not playing a game of numbers too.

That said, I look forward to meeting you.
But more importantly, I'm looking forward to you unfolding, and working on your dreams.

If this was helpful, I hope you hit the follow button.



Olabanji Stephen

I see the world differently and attempt to interpret it in ways that inspire genius